LETS TALK ABOUT IT
Women and men think nothing alike. Total opposites in the way we process our feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Together, as a happily married team, we make total and complete sense. Divided and not effectively communicating adds up to be TOTAL CONFUSION! Good communication is a must between spouses. I know when husbands read that line they get a headache. They hear us say "Lets talk about it" and instantly go on the defense. Especially if the wifey is the nagging and complaining type (None of my readers are ~ SMILE). I would like to provide some suggestions that will have you effectively communicating with one another in no time without the tension, drama, or anxiety.
It has been my experience that by the time one of the married parties is asking, "Can we talk?", there is already an issue at hand. This is a big part of the problem. Heart to heart conversations are not just for conflict resolution. Learn to talk more in general about minor, minuscule, and mundane things. Over coffee in the morning, text message mid afternoon, or after dinner stroll around the block are all perfect opportunities for couples to get your talk on (a little ghetto vernacular)! Take the time to engage in conversation with your mate. That's how you learn how their mind works and what's really going on in that head of theirs. You never knew that hearing things from the opposite sex point of view would be so thought provoking. Some of my most interesting debates have been over the silliest things, but I always walk away a bit more wiser (sometimes flabbergasted and flustered - hehehe) for having conversed with men at all! It has also been my experience that considering my own husband's viewpoint and how he processes things intellectually, helps me be more tolerant and understanding. No need for jumping to conclusions or speculation when you can get it straight from the source! Who knew that the total opposite of what you were thinking does actually make sense (in a crazy, happily married, and "I'm trying to look at it from your point of view," sort of way) most times?
As women we grow up watching drama and love stories on television. Relationships on the big screen are PERFECT. Girls get these images and ideals of matrimonial grandeur engraved on our hearts at an early age. We dream that our knight in shining armor will come along to ride us off into the sunset and everyday will be a tip toe through the tulips! Only to get married and face a sobering reality that relationships have to grow (to the tip toe through tulip stage), attitudes have to adjust, agenda's have to change, ego's have to take a back seat, and couples must COMMUNICATE (you can only stay in the bed but for so long - at some point, real life will happen [smile])! Effective communication involves both partners being able to express themselves without intimidation. Effective communication also leaves both parties feeling validated and understood! Sometimes feelings are hurt because the truth hurts, but as long as your intentions were only to get a clear understanding and then move forward, hurt feelings will quickly subside.
How unfair would it be for me to assume I know what is best for my spouse and take it upon myself to plan a future on just an assumption! Grown people should speak up and speak out! Its so liberating to be able to speak your mind and your loved one is not easily offended. That type of freedom is rewarded to those who effectively communicate often because they have learned that the other party "Gets where I am coming from".
When you hear people say, "My spouse is my best friend!".... I will bet you a million dollars they COMMUNICATE WELL! You are reminded through conversation how smart your mate is! Smart is really sexy. Although you think you know it all, you don't! It would be nice to be right all the time but, you are not! That's why it's so nice to be married! Marriage is two half's coming together to make a whole! A WHOLE LOT OF LOVE, A WHOLE LOT OF JOY, A WHOLE LOT OF FUN AND EXCITMENT, A WHOLE LOT OF GOOD MEMORIES.... I COULD GO ON AND ON! Learn to effectively communicate your needs to avoid arguments, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings. Lets talk about it happily married people! O.K.?? O.K.!!
It has been my experience that by the time one of the married parties is asking, "Can we talk?", there is already an issue at hand. This is a big part of the problem. Heart to heart conversations are not just for conflict resolution. Learn to talk more in general about minor, minuscule, and mundane things. Over coffee in the morning, text message mid afternoon, or after dinner stroll around the block are all perfect opportunities for couples to get your talk on (a little ghetto vernacular)! Take the time to engage in conversation with your mate. That's how you learn how their mind works and what's really going on in that head of theirs. You never knew that hearing things from the opposite sex point of view would be so thought provoking. Some of my most interesting debates have been over the silliest things, but I always walk away a bit more wiser (sometimes flabbergasted and flustered - hehehe) for having conversed with men at all! It has also been my experience that considering my own husband's viewpoint and how he processes things intellectually, helps me be more tolerant and understanding. No need for jumping to conclusions or speculation when you can get it straight from the source! Who knew that the total opposite of what you were thinking does actually make sense (in a crazy, happily married, and "I'm trying to look at it from your point of view," sort of way) most times?
As women we grow up watching drama and love stories on television. Relationships on the big screen are PERFECT. Girls get these images and ideals of matrimonial grandeur engraved on our hearts at an early age. We dream that our knight in shining armor will come along to ride us off into the sunset and everyday will be a tip toe through the tulips! Only to get married and face a sobering reality that relationships have to grow (to the tip toe through tulip stage), attitudes have to adjust, agenda's have to change, ego's have to take a back seat, and couples must COMMUNICATE (you can only stay in the bed but for so long - at some point, real life will happen [smile])! Effective communication involves both partners being able to express themselves without intimidation. Effective communication also leaves both parties feeling validated and understood! Sometimes feelings are hurt because the truth hurts, but as long as your intentions were only to get a clear understanding and then move forward, hurt feelings will quickly subside.
How unfair would it be for me to assume I know what is best for my spouse and take it upon myself to plan a future on just an assumption! Grown people should speak up and speak out! Its so liberating to be able to speak your mind and your loved one is not easily offended. That type of freedom is rewarded to those who effectively communicate often because they have learned that the other party "Gets where I am coming from".
When you hear people say, "My spouse is my best friend!".... I will bet you a million dollars they COMMUNICATE WELL! You are reminded through conversation how smart your mate is! Smart is really sexy. Although you think you know it all, you don't! It would be nice to be right all the time but, you are not! That's why it's so nice to be married! Marriage is two half's coming together to make a whole! A WHOLE LOT OF LOVE, A WHOLE LOT OF JOY, A WHOLE LOT OF FUN AND EXCITMENT, A WHOLE LOT OF GOOD MEMORIES.... I COULD GO ON AND ON! Learn to effectively communicate your needs to avoid arguments, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings. Lets talk about it happily married people! O.K.?? O.K.!!
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