BE SWEET AS HONEY EVEN WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING LOW ON MONEY!
The number one cause for divorce in America is (DRUM ROLL PLEASE) MONEY ISSUES. I am sure that this comes to no surprise to you. We all tend to get a little tense when our finances aren't right! Lets just lay it all out on the table in a very honest way. Bad things do happen to good people. You can be a successful person with many things to show for your hard work when all of a sudden, something happens to cause you to have a financial hardship! Loss of employment or an illness could be the culprit. Other times its irresponsibility or mismanagement of funds. Whatever the case, let's hypothetically see ourselves in this predicament. Stress, bills, plus bill collectors.... all to much to handle but, add the nervous energy of a fearful spouse into the mix and you have yourself a recipe for a not so happy marriage! What I want to convey to you today is that your love has to be deeper than material possessions and lack of funds. You didn't marry for money (or did you?) You are not a gold digger (or are you?) YOU MARRIED FOR LOVE and that's the very thing that will see you through any difficult situation!
Guilt, shame, and depression are feelings that come along with financial trouble. A feeling of failure that makes you want to isolate is associated with financial ruin also. We all know that isolation (a state of separation between persons) is not what the happily married doctor has prescribed. When you are married, you are allowed periods of needing your alone time without any confusion or conflict. You may even have a space designated in the house that's just for you and its understood that your privacy is to be respected when you occupy that space. Please let it be understood by every married person on this planet, NEVER - from the words "I DO!" will you ever be totally ALONE again! When you hurt, your spouse goes through that pain with you! That's what we have been practicing since we started reading this blog right? The two persons becoming one.... that includes going through a debt crisis!
Here is a list of do's and dont's to follow if ever you should happen to experience a financial hardship. If you use this information you will learn to lean on each other for support. Your marriage can and will survive! Troubles can't last always.... this too shall pass. Remind yourself and your spouse daily that THIS IS ONLY A SEASON! KEEP A HOPEFUL AND POSITIVE OUTLOOK ALWAYS!
Don't:
1. Don't point the finger and blame. You are a united front! You are a team. If one spouse is at fault, cover their mistake with your love. With supportive undertones, address the area of error to gain insight into what went wrong just to ensure that it won't happen again. Your harsh words can not make them feel any worse than they already do. Remember* Love covers a multitude of faults! Your words can not be taken back once they have been released into the atmosphere! Long after the financial situation has been repaired, your words can be negatively affecting your relationship! Build up your marriage with positive spoken affirmation! Speak the life you want into existence with words of faith and hope!
2. Don't act as if things are the same. You must adjust your spending habits to meet the new circumstances! Cut back in all areas that you can! Sacrifice the wants to make sure the needs are met. You will be able to resume the lifestyle you have grown accustomed to after you have rectified the situation.
3. Don't give them the dirty details. It is not necessary to give your spouse a blow by blow account of each phone call from every bill collector. I am not suggesting that you start keeping secrets or telling lies. I am merely suggesting that your attitude during this time can set the mood in the home. Bills don't have to be reviewed and discussed with fearful urgency every day! You know what I am talking about..... "Honey, the automobile financier called threatening again today!!! They are gonna come get the car! Oh lord, what are we gonna do?" These may be things you are thinking in your head (until you learn to get control of your emotions) but all that should come out of your mouth is...."WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS" or "NOT TO WORRY!" Fear should not be your first emotion! Your panic will be an added burden! The truth of the matter is that YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR!! THE ENEMY HAS WON THE BATTLE IF HE CAN CROWD YOUR MIND WITH IMAGES OF DIRE STRAIGHTS! A car is just a possession that can be replaced! A house is just a possession that can be replaced! You have your life, health, and sanity (if you keep it together) Yes its bad right now but money problems won't kill you! ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!
Do:
1. Make do with what you have! Learn to be happy, whether you have much or little! You still have each other and that makes you richer than most! Learn to be grateful! There are those that would gladly trade places with you. Be thankful for every blessing! The small ones that we take for granted each day! Look around you and you will see you are not doing so bad after all! Some people have no food (if you can reach in that cupboard and grab a can of tuna - YOU ARE BLESSED), nowhere to live (if you have to down size to a two bedroom apartment with 4 children all sharing a room - YOU ARE STILL BLESSED NOT TO BE LIVING IN YOUR CAR), and are out of options (YOU CAN SEE AND HEAR, YOU HAVE TWO ARMS AND TWO LEGS - YOU ARE BLESSED TO HAVE YOUR RIGHT MIND!) You can get another job! (Even if its not the dream job you had - work any job until the better one comes along!)
2. Keep it real. If you can't afford it - give it back! STOP stressing over material things! When you get your money in order you can always buy them back or get even better! ITS ONLY STUFF! THINGS CAN BE REPLACED! CREDIT CAN BE REPAIRED!
3. Formulate a recovery plan! Work together as a team to fight your way back! Work two jobs, sell some valuables, get assistance, and ask for help (Especially from organizations that you have poured your money into for years and never asked for any return) Whatever you decide to do REMEMBER, YOU SHALL RECOVER ALL!
4. Embrace the process. When marriages survive hardships it makes them STRONGER!! Learn of your partners resilience! Be impressed by your spouse's determination! An unwillingness to break is SOOOO ATTRACTIVE! You will walk away from this experience with a confidence that YOU CAN GET THROUGH ANYTHING!
I really hope that you never need any of this information I provided today! I hope you are blessed beyond measure and your marriage cup runs over with love, joy, peace, attraction for one another, promotion in the market place, and treasure enough to leave an inheritance for your children's children! If you do find yourself in a financial slump at any point in your marriage remember that you have no reason to start acting funny! WE WILL KEEP IT SWEET AS HONEY* EVEN WHEN WE ARE RUNNING LOW ON MONEY so we can live happily married! O.K.? O.K.!
Guilt, shame, and depression are feelings that come along with financial trouble. A feeling of failure that makes you want to isolate is associated with financial ruin also. We all know that isolation (a state of separation between persons) is not what the happily married doctor has prescribed. When you are married, you are allowed periods of needing your alone time without any confusion or conflict. You may even have a space designated in the house that's just for you and its understood that your privacy is to be respected when you occupy that space. Please let it be understood by every married person on this planet, NEVER - from the words "I DO!" will you ever be totally ALONE again! When you hurt, your spouse goes through that pain with you! That's what we have been practicing since we started reading this blog right? The two persons becoming one.... that includes going through a debt crisis!
Here is a list of do's and dont's to follow if ever you should happen to experience a financial hardship. If you use this information you will learn to lean on each other for support. Your marriage can and will survive! Troubles can't last always.... this too shall pass. Remind yourself and your spouse daily that THIS IS ONLY A SEASON! KEEP A HOPEFUL AND POSITIVE OUTLOOK ALWAYS!
Don't:
1. Don't point the finger and blame. You are a united front! You are a team. If one spouse is at fault, cover their mistake with your love. With supportive undertones, address the area of error to gain insight into what went wrong just to ensure that it won't happen again. Your harsh words can not make them feel any worse than they already do. Remember* Love covers a multitude of faults! Your words can not be taken back once they have been released into the atmosphere! Long after the financial situation has been repaired, your words can be negatively affecting your relationship! Build up your marriage with positive spoken affirmation! Speak the life you want into existence with words of faith and hope!
2. Don't act as if things are the same. You must adjust your spending habits to meet the new circumstances! Cut back in all areas that you can! Sacrifice the wants to make sure the needs are met. You will be able to resume the lifestyle you have grown accustomed to after you have rectified the situation.
3. Don't give them the dirty details. It is not necessary to give your spouse a blow by blow account of each phone call from every bill collector. I am not suggesting that you start keeping secrets or telling lies. I am merely suggesting that your attitude during this time can set the mood in the home. Bills don't have to be reviewed and discussed with fearful urgency every day! You know what I am talking about..... "Honey, the automobile financier called threatening again today!!! They are gonna come get the car! Oh lord, what are we gonna do?" These may be things you are thinking in your head (until you learn to get control of your emotions) but all that should come out of your mouth is...."WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS" or "NOT TO WORRY!" Fear should not be your first emotion! Your panic will be an added burden! The truth of the matter is that YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR!! THE ENEMY HAS WON THE BATTLE IF HE CAN CROWD YOUR MIND WITH IMAGES OF DIRE STRAIGHTS! A car is just a possession that can be replaced! A house is just a possession that can be replaced! You have your life, health, and sanity (if you keep it together) Yes its bad right now but money problems won't kill you! ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!
Do:
1. Make do with what you have! Learn to be happy, whether you have much or little! You still have each other and that makes you richer than most! Learn to be grateful! There are those that would gladly trade places with you. Be thankful for every blessing! The small ones that we take for granted each day! Look around you and you will see you are not doing so bad after all! Some people have no food (if you can reach in that cupboard and grab a can of tuna - YOU ARE BLESSED), nowhere to live (if you have to down size to a two bedroom apartment with 4 children all sharing a room - YOU ARE STILL BLESSED NOT TO BE LIVING IN YOUR CAR), and are out of options (YOU CAN SEE AND HEAR, YOU HAVE TWO ARMS AND TWO LEGS - YOU ARE BLESSED TO HAVE YOUR RIGHT MIND!) You can get another job! (Even if its not the dream job you had - work any job until the better one comes along!)
2. Keep it real. If you can't afford it - give it back! STOP stressing over material things! When you get your money in order you can always buy them back or get even better! ITS ONLY STUFF! THINGS CAN BE REPLACED! CREDIT CAN BE REPAIRED!
3. Formulate a recovery plan! Work together as a team to fight your way back! Work two jobs, sell some valuables, get assistance, and ask for help (Especially from organizations that you have poured your money into for years and never asked for any return) Whatever you decide to do REMEMBER, YOU SHALL RECOVER ALL!
4. Embrace the process. When marriages survive hardships it makes them STRONGER!! Learn of your partners resilience! Be impressed by your spouse's determination! An unwillingness to break is SOOOO ATTRACTIVE! You will walk away from this experience with a confidence that YOU CAN GET THROUGH ANYTHING!
I really hope that you never need any of this information I provided today! I hope you are blessed beyond measure and your marriage cup runs over with love, joy, peace, attraction for one another, promotion in the market place, and treasure enough to leave an inheritance for your children's children! If you do find yourself in a financial slump at any point in your marriage remember that you have no reason to start acting funny! WE WILL KEEP IT SWEET AS HONEY* EVEN WHEN WE ARE RUNNING LOW ON MONEY so we can live happily married! O.K.? O.K.!
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